It's a New Moon today. You didn't know that, did you? I bet you never suspected me of a being a moon worshipper. Well...I'm not. But, this year, for the first time, I am (roughly) gardening by the phases of the moon.
Pause for cyber-eye-rolls.
I have a little calendar emblazoned with the words 'Jardinez avec la lune 100% naturel.'It tells me when is a good day for planting out my root veggies, pricking out my brassicas etc. The locals swear by it - they will tell you that if you plant your tomatoes out on the correct day according to the lunar cycle, your toms will be fatter and sweeter than the unenlightened geezer's next door who planted on a day better suited to whopping beans. After planting aubergines on the fourteenth of May you are required to dance naked around the garden, beating your bottom with a trowel and anointing the earth with something personal of your own (use your imagination.) Some hardcore fanatics bury a deer's bladder in the soil prior to the growing season - it is said to ensure bumper crops. I don't ask where they get hold of a deer's urinary-storage apparatus. I don't wish to know. I think I can manage sans Bambi bladder.
Everything is growing like stink - but how can I be sure this is the pull of the moon? Not just the wave after wave of rain we are being subjected to? At this time of year wellies should be covered in dust, mouldering at the back of the cupboard. Instead, my pretty pink flip-flops are loitering redundant by the back door.
It will be the summer solstice soon (mooning it again) - after which the days will start getting shorter. They haven't started getting fecking longer yet! Sun? What's that? Whenever I look up in that direction these days, all I see are granite clouds and water sheeting down. Right now I'm wearing three layers, socks and shoes. It's blimmin' well not on. Strewth. I ask you. Gordon Bennet. How's your father. Bollocks. And that.
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
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13 comments:
look i'm first in! we are blogging in the same moonal phase.
A very interesting post. I mean it...do these bumpkins really believe this crap??!! And they've sucked you in too. You are lying about the deer aren't you? next thing you'll be burying your menstrual rags in the cabbages and copulating to the wax of the moon. (waxing and waning, that kind of wax)
Good luck.
Pigx
I am too tired to comment. First I read in the OP pricking out my brassieres. Then ludicrously dance naked around the garden, beating your bottom with a trowel.
If that's not enough PITKs post seemed to contain the words: crap, sucked, menstrual rags, copulating cabbages and waxing.
I give up. I'll try again tomorrow.
If you want to go super gardening weird, read a book by Joanne Harris called "Blackberry Wine".
The guy in it gardens by the moon, has all sorts of herby stuff in little bags tied around his plants, and is generally a bit crazy when it comes to gardening.
Sounds like it'd suit you a treat at the moment :-)
What phase of the moon is best for throwing snails over the wall into your neighbours garden please Mya?
At the moment, I am going for 'very dark'. Any pyrrenean refinements?
I planted my toms and cucumbers without a thought to the moon - you show me yours and I'll show you mine in a few months time...that'll make some kinda scientific proof that either its a load of old manure, or I should have danced around naked under the moon..!
Firstly, I echo Amy's comment - Blackberry Wine is a great read.
Secondly, maybe if you bury Bambi's bladder in your garden the sun will shine. Worth a try.
Right, less tired now. I think what you need to do is GALMI*.
It's a tried and tested technique I've used for a number of years to great effect.
GALMI.
Try it - for all things garden-related.
(* = Get A Little Man In)
Is mooning god for plants? I will try it. I'll let you know.
I'm very sorry brennig.
little did I know English could be a foreign language! not to mention that when I moon over a thing, it has none to do with my buttocks! now I REALLY can't wait to arrive in France.
I'll lend you another trowel and then you can hit both buns simultaneously, it should give you better results.
Sounds like fun to me Mya. I can hardly wait to find out how everything tastes after this test.
It's thundering and lightening out as I type and the sky is raining down tears. My neighbour is out in her raincoat planting in her garden. Some people say it's the best time. I'm sitting on the fence on this one.
Pig,
Oh I already copulate to the moon -doesn't everyone? Once in a blue moon, Spouse would probably say!
Brennig,
Don't worry my love - come back later when you've had a good sit down and a cup of tea.
Amy,
Hi there! Must read Joanne Harris -I haven't read anything by her. Thanks for the recommendation.
Jaywalker,
'Very dark' is good. The only refinement I can offer is 'very wet'too, if you particularly dislike your neighbours - the moistness sharpens their appetite.
Hannah,
It's a deal!You just won't believe the size of my melons, Mrs!
Dumdad,
Do you know where I could get hold of one? Leclerc don't stock them.
Brennig,
I think I would prefer the GABMI approach!
Jo,
How are your flowers? Anything wilted yet?
Pig,
Now that's what I like.Manners. That porker's got class.
JNRR,
If you need translation, look for the Drivel to English concise. It might help, although I can't promise.
Nora,
Dual bum bashing - could be good exercise AND good for my carrots. Result.
Aims,
It is fun. What? You're sitting out on the garden fence? In the rain? Watching your neighbour? You're as mad as she is! Go inside and make a cup of cocoa, dear.
Mya x
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