Spouse swore under his breath and waited for the 'I told you so' speech.
We had discussed the exact same topic only the week before.
Me: 'What are you going to wear in the swimming pool?'
Spouse: 'What I always wear.'
Me: 'Remember last year? That campsite near Canigou?'
Spouse: 'They were just fascists. It won't happen again.'
Me: 'French pools often specify swimming trunks only.'
Spouse: 'It's total bollocks. Don't worry. It won't happen again.'
So, now I'm suffering an extreme case of deja vu. The three excited children we have in tow are bouncing on the spot on invisible pogo-sticks. It's sweltering. The kids don't understand what the problem is. They've caught sight of the turquoise rectangle of liquid fun and there's no distracting them.
Spouse has a grumpy scoot around the campsite shop. They have plenty of swimming trunks for sale. But, to be fair to him - if he'd bought any of the selection on display, we all would have disassociated ourselves from him immediately (think tiny, think tight, think triangular, think testicular torture.)
In the end, the kids splashed around in the pool with me and friend, while Spouse and friend's husband raced off in the car on a trunk tracking mission for swimwear that conformed to both the campsite's stringent rules of trunkiness, and Spouse's equally stringent style code.
He ended up getting a pair a bit like these.
I'm rather fond of them, I must admit. I was a bit alarmed at first. I'm used to him flapping around vaguely in baggy shorts like these
- not pushing everything to the fore in a tight lycra display cabinet.
I don't know what the trunk/shorts rule is all about. Or why it is so inconsistently applied. Health and safety? Contamination issues? Better access for oglers? They don't dare dictate what women wear to the pool. I suspect they know what a nightmare strop-fest they'd have on their hands.
Anyway, what do you think? Shorts or trunks? Do you like them brief and baggy or cut short and tight? It's been an arduous process researching images for this post. It took ages. I lingered a while over David Beckham in white Speedos on a yacht and Daniel Craig in blue shorts on a palm-fringed beach. I clicked away quickly when confronted with the unsavoury sight of Borat in a yellow aerobics leotard. And I even discovered the Wondercup, the Wonderbra of men's swimwear. No, breasts don't grow down your pants, but whatever you've got down there is enhanced significantly. Apparently. Socks or shuttlecocks probably just as effective, mind you.
But I'm afraid the image that popped up on Wikipedia when I tapped in 'swimming trunks' will haunt me forever. Bless his heart.
11 comments:
Oh my Lord Mya, did you mean the man in the tight and scarily protruding, yellow speedos.
That's so funny.
I love how your image of the flappy shorts man has a towel that matches his waist band, Oh la la, tres chic.
Mr B wears the flappy ones to swim but the more fitted ones as undies.
I like them both.
So instead of Google you just "settled" for taking pictures of Spouse in both types for your blog, right? Those are both him, aren't they - you devil?
Do not rain on my parade and tell me they're not. Please.
I need any image I can to get Borat gone.
I think it's very widespread in France now, that men must wear "Speedo" type trunks in swimming pools, because according to the embarrassed lady at our local pool, anything else is "not hygienic". Quite what this means, I'm not sure. I wouldn't think Lycra could prevent any nasty germs escaping; but it does stop the risk of dangly bits and pieces popping into view. :-)
I've bought TOH a Borat costume for our holiday in St Tropez.
When my hubby and I were on honeymoon, there was an older gentleman on the beach outside our window who insisted on wearng a bright tangerine speedo every morning. Unfortunately for my husband, it didn't do much for my libido.
I prefer swim shorts on my hubby, myself...I've never seen dangly bits hanging out of them before. Maybe I wasn't looking closely enough!
I prefer swim shorts on my hubby, myself...I've never seen dangly bits hanging out of them before. Maybe I wasn't looking closely enough!
Or maybe they weren't "short" enough? :-)
Trunks every time.
I have two pairs of skimpy Speedos worth their weight in gold because of the way they ahem, show things.
But the trunks-not-shorts thing?
That's because some people wear their shorts during the day (or even the previous day! Ugh!) around town and then wear them in to the pool.
Bit unhygenic?
How refreshing (your blogpage not your husbands pants or whatever) to visit a blog where someone can actually write well. Unlike my blogpage that is blank as everything seems too naff to write about. But hey - I did win Best Letter in French Magazine so no wonder I lack inspiration.
oh it'a GRIM rule the speedos rule! My poor husband sat watching three of his children swim in a french pool, where there were NO OTHER swimmers, they wouldn't let him in because he didnt' have the right gear on. Eventually with his eloquence 'well you're wearing shorts aren't you?', the lifeguard the gallic rulebreaking exception thing and let him in. He has since invested in the first image on your blog. Just why did you pass up the opportunity to have Daniel Craig on your blog? Shakes head in disbelief...
Ooh, I landed here quite by chance and have been tickled and titillated by 'the rules of trunkiness'. How utterly fabulous!
I do have a secret yearning for the tight trunk thing but, alas, the majority of my beaus so far have been best suited to the very large towel with elastic round the neck, last seen c. 1976. Sigh.
Most French swimming pools specify trunks not shorts. Many now also require men to wear caps. I'm, to put it mildly, less than hirsute and tried to argue my case once. But we're in France. I gave up and bought a Speedo cap. Quite fetching if redundant.
Jo,
I think I missed Mr Protruding- Pants. Unfortunately I saw Mr Too- Tight-Tubby-Trunks. Am I painting a picture for you?
RC,
Yep - that's Spouse alright. Pretty ain't he?
Susie,
I really hope you haven't bought him a Borat suit. Really.
Jen,
Tangerine?
Brennig,
Yours had better not be tangerine!
Hello Gingerfox!
Nice to see you over this way - please come again soon!
Pig,
I kept the DC one all for myself - he's my screensaver (amongst other things.)
Jen 2 - this is getting confusing! Do you mean those very British towelling tent things that were supposed to protect your modesty while you changed? I always used to trip over and show my bare arse to the world anyway. Ho hum. They don't bother with those here in France - they let it all hang out.
Dumdad,
Swimming caps - it's not a good look, is it? Can't you tell the guys at the pool it's a transparent cap you're wearing, made of a new space age material?
Mya x
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